the end

If I could rewrite our story, I’d only change the end.
I’d trade in all our bad days for good and relive every moment I spent next to you smiling. I’d write out the first day I met you, just like it happened. And our first sleep over the exact same, still asking you to spoon me. And we talked about how we wanted our first kiss to be special, because that’s what it was. I wouldn’t change any night I went to bed beside you and woke up in the same spot. When I write down what’s happened I still remember how I felt every time your hands touched mine, or your lips crossed my path. I wouldn’t change the way I felt when your fingertips touched my skin.  I’d never change the nights I stayed up lying with my head on your chest talking about anything that crossed our minds. I would get excited every time you called, or every time I saw your name cross my phone still. I would want to relive every time you kissed me so I could relive every bit of excitement I felt. I would take me and you back to every night I lied next to you with my hand in yours, with your lips to mine. I’d re plan the future I made for us in my head, mapping every milestone I knew I’d spend with you.

~ And now I sit here, rewriting our end in my mind. Wishing it could be different, knowing I can’t change the heartbreak. I can’t take away the pain I feel every time I think of you, beginning or end. I can’t change what happened, or how it panned out, so I sit here wishing I could rewrite our ending, knowing I can’t. I sometimes wish for a different beginning so I could maybe get a different story end, but that doesn’t seem right. I would rewrite any moment that could give me back what I thought I could once have. But I can’t. I can’t take back what’s been said or done. I can’t take back any feeling or thought that gave us this ending. I can’t wish, as many times as I’ve already tried for things to have just gone a bit differently, and still left you next to me today. I can’t wish your hand back in mine with my head on your chest. Too much pain has been placed. I hold my hurt too close to let you back in. I’m scared that if I rewrite our ending I’ll rewrite the heartbreak. And if I rewrite the heartbreak I’ll relive the pain of not having you here. But without you here, I don’t relive what it feels like to be broken. And if I can avoid being broken, maybe I could let myself believe in something else. 

© nldm

left with loneliness

It’s like your lost in a familiar place.

You recognize the walls,
But everything feels so different. 

You’re used to everything around you

But you can’t help that you don’t feel the same.

Your holding on, not wanting to let go.

Left lost, without the one person you

thought would never lose you.

Reality sinks in with your hearts defeat.

You feel stripped that one person could

take so much from you and leave so little.

That one person could mean so much,

and now they’re supposed to mean so little.

Your almost embarrassed that without them,

you feel like your nothing.

You hide it, at least try to.

While holding back the emptiness

pretending hurt doesn't exist

You lay still, stripped numb.

You miss the warmth of good feeling,

The promises, the memories,

They all leave you cold now.

Loneliness keeps you company,

So you do anything to fight it.

Good company sets you free,

Helps your mind forget,

And warm bodies ease the pain,

Even though they aren't yours.

Loneliness makes the bad feel good,

Almost makes you wish you could have it all back,

It makes you realize what you had and lost,

It makes you weaker but stronger.

Warmer but colder.

It makes you ashamed but hopeful.

It makes you want to feel again,

but not feel what’s left 

when there’s nothings left.

© nldm 

in ball we defend

stepping on the field in our garnet & grey,
training for weeks for this very day,
game after game, we only get better,
for each drip of sweat is how we measure.
and practice after practice we train even harder, 
so together as a team we only go farther. 
we watch tape after tape, to study our rival,
then step on the field to fight for survival.
we line up for battle and fight for our war,
keep pushing through till we can’t anymore.
we aim to win and always stick together 
on and off the field, birds of the same feather. 
and everywhere we go, we strike fear where we stay,
with our gee gee pride, bleeding garnet & grey.
on the field and off, we’re there for our brothers,
unable to ever replace one another,
and just like champions we never give up,
we go to war fighting for the vanier cup.
we won’t move when pushed, we stay standing strong,
not letting anyone take what’s been ours so long,
we fight for every inch we take on that field,
for the more inches we take, victory revealed
and no one will tell us who & what we can be,
because we want this more then our enemy. 
we leave everything on the field and never surrender,
born soldiers we fight and only get better. 
no margin for error, in ball we defend,
with the heart of a lion we fight till the end.
© nldm 

with your arms around me

WITH YOUR ARMS AROUND ME 

written by Nicole Del Monte & Chris Labelle, 

recorded by Chris Labelle and Paul Gigliotti 

produced by Paul Gigliotti 

my heart & head

i just wanna close my eyes and fall asleep in your bed

wake up in the morning and pretend like nothing was said.

i just wanna go back to that place when we first met.

small talk, all night, there’s nothing about you i forget.

and i just wanna go back to that place when times were right,

let go of all the anger and pain we hold onto at night.

let go of the misery that lies next to me in bed,

i stay awake at night wishing it was you instead.

where do we go from here, when there’s nothing left.

and what do we do when we’ve given up on the best.

and how do i move on when im only numb inside,

what do you do when your heart and head can’t decide. 

times supposed to heal everything, but im waiting instead,

and while i wait for time, i play back everything you said.

every lie you told, and regret you made me feel,

from all of my days i watched you try to steal.

im wondering when my heart and head will agree,

when will they both understand your not right for me.

when will i stop wishing it was you lying here.

when will all of the pain you brought on disappear.

© nldm

caught in a storm

took me a while to put the pieces together

took me a while to figure you all out

to realize we werent meant for eachother

accept how hard it would be to live without.

now i’m trying to figure out when it all fell apart 

understand how it all went wrong

when did all the good days go so bad

why did we keep dragging our hearts along

we got caught in the rain of a crazy storm

and we cant find our way out

its been raining days too long by now

and theres nothing left for us to figure out.

so were drowning in the tears we’ve cried

from all of the hurt and all of the lies.

caught in the rain of this crazy storm

only hoping it wont leave us torn.

now goodbyes are never easy

but i didn’t think they’d be this tough

letting go doesnt make the hurt disappear

or my days a little less rough

i thought maybe this meant something

something more then whats been done

what we had seemed so special 

till we watched it all come undone.

we got caught in the rain of a crazy storm

and we cant find our way out

its been raining days too long by now

and theres nothing left for us to figure out.

so were drowning in the tears we’ve cried

from all of the hurt and all of the lies.

caught in the rain of this crazy storm

only hoping it wont leave us torn.

a mess of fire

look at what you did

this mess that you made

look at all the lies

you let yourself create

look at all the hurt 

you buried in my heart

the pain you made me suffer

right from the very start.

you poured gas 

on a burning fire

stood there starring 

as my flames grew higher

you would manipulate your way

right back into my world

without realizing that every

single lie would unfold.

you think your smarter then me

and maybe better too

but here is the difference

between me and you.

i will go somewhere someday

you can watch and see

ill become something better

then you could ever be

and i will pride myself on 

honesty and the truth.

pride myself on things 

you never tried to use.

then you will be left standing

in a burning fire yourself

ill pour gas on all your flames

and never try to help.

© nldm