grow up

Growing up means giving up certain idealistic you once had. It means realizing not all things are as easy and simple as they once were before. When you grow up you realize that life becomes harder and scarier and a little more sincere. 

You begin to understand that today will affect tomorrow. You also realize that with a few unsteady turns your world can and will crumble. Social circles get smaller, people move on and your realize certain people are not made or meant for you. You break up with people you thought you would know forever - boyfriends, girlfriends and friends. You say goodbye to things and people. Some planned and some unplanned. Growing up means growing a tougher skin. It means having the ability to get up after you fall down all on your own. Picking yourself up after you landed face first on hard cement floors. 

It makes you feel uncertain and uneasy while its happening. Growing up comes at you full force, emotions exploding and there is no way of avoiding it. You learn some emotions you never felt before, and some you now feel stronger then others. 

Growing up allows you to realize that even with some uncertainties you can put yourself back together after you’ve been torn apart. It means finding yourself and understanding what you want in life. By growing up you see that when you fall off the track you must take a different path. It lets you learn from your mistakes and become less likely to repeat them. You find true lifelong friendships when you let go of your inhibitions and allow yourself to grow up. When you grow up you realize that not all story endings are good ones. Not everyone finds their true loves, but they find people who care. Not all romances are for the best and not all loves are forever. You learn that its nicer to lay next to a warm body then no body at all. Growing up means learning that you never really stop growing up. We grow with everything we do and everything we fall into. We grow in and out of love with ourselves and each other. We never stop growing up. 

© nldm

life lessons

Life is all about learning lessons. We make mistakes and we try to correct what we do. We meet new people and go through new experiences. Some people come into our lives and stay for a long time. Others come into our lives and leave quickly. We win some battles and lose others. We regret some things and not others. We fall in love and out of love. We all go through heartbreak and lose something or someone we care about. We constantly change and grow- sometimes for better and sometimes for worse. We don’t understand everything we do or everything others do as much as we wish we did. We get upset. We cry. We become happy and excited. Sometimes we become angry and frustrated. We feel more emotion than anything else in this world. Some things make our world stop and others make it go. Some things make our heart skip beats. Some make it go faster and some slower. But one thing is for sure. No matter who you are or where you come from you need to trust yourself. You need to make those mistakes in order to find out who you are. We need to meet new people in order to understand ourselves. We need to feel the heartbreak in order to love and learn again. We need to go through the pain in order to grow stronger. We need our heart to skip beats to feel that excitement. We need our world to stop so we can take a closer look. And as long as we care about ourselves and trust ourselves life will precede indefinitely. 

© nldm

comin' your way .

chris is teaching me how to write music ...
which means ... im turning my poems into some tunes with the help of my musical boyfriend ...
and here is what ive learnt ...
1) writing music is much harder then writing poetry
2) its all about the damn syllables and notes ....
3) its frustrating
4) it takes longer then one day ..... or one night ... (took us a good week to pump it out and were still editing)
5) i wish i learnt an instrument when i was a kid ...

anyways .
moral of this post is -- i learnt to write a song ..
chris & i wrote a song ...
and it feels so good to say it (write it/ read it/ whatever)

so stay posted ..
im going to add the lyrics later on ...
:o)

the best kind of beer

tonight chris and i decided to splurge on snacks and watch movies and criminal minds all night .
his splurge -- cookies and cream ice cream and a litre of milk with the only desire to make MILK SHAKES .... seeing how i have a phobia of milk .. yes . thats right ... im scared of milk. it creeps the heck out of me therefore i NEVER desire it . (id rather smother my cereal with gasoline)
my splurge - ketchup AND dill pickle chips ... accompanied by ..... SOUP ... yes ... a bowl of soup constitutes as a munchie for me ....

anyways .. while i was showing chris how to conquer in the world of milk shake making (not entirely sure why he even trusted my idea of milk to ice cream ratio .. considering the obvious ..... how would a milk hater know how to make a milkshake ) ...... well regardless .. it was proven successful ... BUT ... i was reminded of something my dad made me when i was a kid ...
if you havent had this for yourself, you NEED to make it ..
its simple...
one bottle/ can of root beer ...
scoop of vanilla icecream
straw
enjoy !!!!!!!

makes me miss my dad !!

feels like home to me

the other day i was driving home and as i felt the sun shine down on the windows of the car, i closed my eyes and had memories of my life pass me by.

i closed my eyes and remembered my childhood.

i remembered things that seemed so easy to forget.

i remembered what it felt like to be young and stick my feet in the sand and feel happiness. i remember what it felt like to have my day pass me by so quickly as i built sand castles that i wish i could live in.

i remembered what freedom felt like while i flew through the air on my swing, and how the sun would go down the higher i got it seemed.

i remembered that riding my bike with no hands felt like i was unstoppable, and when i was with my friends my days weren’t long enough.

i remember my dad always willing to stay up late to help me finish my homework, no matter how long it took me to understand. 

high school dances meant first kisses.

g1s meant independence and too many fights with dad.

g2s meant lectures on seat belts and belting out your favorite songs with your favorite friends.

i remembered what it felt like to laugh so hard i cried, and sometimes cry so hard i laughed.

i remember what first heart breaks felt like and how it seemed like you would never put the pieces back together, but you did. 

i remembered what it felt like to depend on your friends for support or comfort, and if they weren’t there your mums arms were always opened.

i remember what it felt like to lay in the grass in the backyard and have nothing on your mind. i learned that the moments would never last forever because they go by quicker then they are captured. i remembered to hold onto things that felt like home because it slips away if we let it go. it reminded me that finding your way back to people means they never really left you, and if we hold onto memories we can hold onto feelings.

and ones that feel like home are never worth giving up or forgetting.

© nldm

know this now ....

What we must all come to learn is that no matter what rut you fall into you can always get out. You can get through whatever you get into. 

What I have come to learn is that you should never whole heartedly give yourself away. Wearing your heart on your sleeve offers it no protection. 

If I knew this then, I would know that there are no such things as mistakes, just lessons and that regretting your past is useless because you will never be able to change it. All that you can do is live with what has been done and learn from it. 

We must all come to realize that no matter how fast our world comes crumbling down we will eventually be able to pick up all the pieces and put it back together. You see the light in your darkest moments...

I know now that I am capable and able to get over the things I never could before. I have learnt to let go and move past it. Gaining the strength to exert courage gives you the ability to let go. By letting go you exert the desire to move past what you couldn’t before.

We all need to stop thinking of the ‘would haves, could haves and should haves’ and move onto the ‘what will I do in this moment’. Letting go of the past and not considering your future allows you to concentrate on right now. 

Everyone should live their life with purpose no matter that purpose- there is no point to living without any meaning. 

Learning that having the ability to do your own thing and not caring if people will judge you for that is truly something special. Not letting others judgments predict who you will be is ordinary.  

Being an original is much better than any copy... following the crowd doesn’t necessarily mean your on the best or right path. 

Believing in yourself takes a lot of courage- but having the ability to do it continuously takes a lot of strength. 

Finding yourself when your world becomes dark means you are going to have to look harder, and finding beauty in the world during those dark moments shows you that the heart of life really is good. I know now that if I look hard enough I will find what makes me happy. Today’s world can be a cruel place but good intentions do lie within it... and if you continuously look for the good in everything good will come to you . i know this now. 

© nldm