dear stupidity ....

dear stupidity ...
thank you dearly for the cold, harsh life lesson that took nearly the last decade of my dwindling youth to figure out. if only i listened to my mother & actually took what she said with a grain of salt i would not have spent the last few years reliving heart felt experiences over nothing except for my now wiser then years knowledge. i am grateful for all the experiences you have given me stupidity. i am grateful for all the assholes i've been with to teach me to never be with one again. i am grateful (more then ever) for putting up with everything you ever swayed me into doing. thank you for letting me get all...  most ... of you out of my system. id also like to thank you (with a bit of regret) for letting me take over six years to figure out what im supposed to do with myself. the whole idea of growing up and figuring this shit out. well stupidity. if it wasnt for you.... i probably would have figured it all out a lot sooner. since you still stand in my way im not entirely there yet either. but you taught me this. you taught me what my mother told me. the only difference is you literally slapped me in the face with it. really f-ing hard.
getting on with it....
you taught me six years later to figure your shit out. to literally sit down and hum and haw over it all. rather then the six previous years i could have hummed and hawed over it, but rather i chose to hum and haw over the opposite sex. you taught me that if i at least do things for myself rather then anyone else six years from now i will not have royally fucked myself. i would have taken the time to get to know myself better rather then get to know someone i no longer desire knowing. i would probably be graduated from school or at least graduating this year & i probably would be graduating from something i enjoyed because i would have taken the time to figure it all out. but instead stupidity, like a devil sitting on my shoulder i listened to you and drooled over things i shouldnt have rather then those i should have.
at least now i know to do everything for myself first. ill still put people before me (as long as i secretly devised a plan to put myself ahead first) and ill still probably definitely more then likely listen to you often (i'll just second guess the follow through).
i suggest everyone tells their stupidity to shut up for a minute and figure out themselves. (no offense stupidity) figure out what you want to do & where you want to go and then go there. at least once you paved your own way you can do what you want. once you think about yourself first you can figure out other people later. the difference between having your credentials and a fine piece of ass sleeping next to you is that your credentials wont get up and walk out in the middle of the night... that ass might. and if he does you at least have everything you worked so hard for to keep you company.
so stupidity... thanks. thanks for the cold, hard but awakening slap in the face. ill appreciate it more when im less bitter towards you.... so if you could just sit on the sidelines for the next few years it would be greatly appreciated.
sincerely,
my smart side.
© nldm