Buried Mess

Those dark days are behind me
I’ve finally put them to rest

As much as it killed me then,

I’ve finally buried that mess.

I’ve moved on and I’ve grown,

I’m now able to see the light.
Because even after your strongest attempts,

My soul still burns bright.

Like the devil on my back,

I wasn’t ever able to see,

All the pain you caused,

And hurt burdening me.

I know better now,

Learnt to let it all go,

If you hold onto your demons,

You’re never able to grow.

So I buried the mess,

Freed myself from you’re pain,

All of you’re problems,

And all of you’re shame.

© nldm  

Share The Belief

Live a little. 

Life is hard. 

Things will get in your way, and go wrong. 

People will hurt you. They will tear you down. 

Don’t be scared to let go of things that drag you down. 

Do what you want when you want and find your own path to happiness. 

Be who you want rather then what others expect you to be.

Enjoy yourself. Make bad decisions. 

Regret them. Learn from them.

It will only make you stronger. Grow.

Grow up slowly, because one day you will be too old to blame any foolish decision on being young.

Do what you can when given the opportunity because soon it will be taken from you. 

Laugh whenever given the chance.

Forgive but never forget.

When it comes to your friends, always keep your door open, but don’t ever be a doormat.

Soon you will look back and remember all the chances you were given that you didn’t take, 

so take them, and don’t look back. 

Don’t question yourself. Appreciate who you are & who you are becoming. 

Remember, even when you have wandered too far you will find your path.

Always get to know people. 

They will teach you about yourself, 

and get to better understand them, because they will help you understand yourself. 

Love with all your heart because it will make yours grow bigger. 

Be thankful of where you came from and appreciate the people that helped get you there. 

Remember your going to be something no matter anyone who wished you differently. 

Remember your made of more then what some people say, 

and as long as you believe in yourself nothing else matters. 

So share the belief.

 © nLdm

This Disease

I can feel you escaping me,
I can feel myself letting go,
Like cancer in my body,
You were a disease I'd always know.
I am finally free now,
Though I may be left lost,
From all my bridges you burnt,
I still have roads left to cross.
These burdens less heavy,
Though I still feel them here,
Still resting on my shoulders,
They never seem to disappear.
These scars you gave my heart,
I do my best to cover them well,
Protect myself from your disease,
Grow myself a thicker shell.
Half of me still misses you,
Even though theres not a point,
And though I feel myself let go,
I still feel you linger in my joints.
And as this disease escapes me,
I remember to breathe slow,
I inhale, then exhale,
and reap what I sow.
© nLdm

four letter word

Love.
A four letter word that has the ability to reach into the depths of your soul and take you for everything you are.
Love has the ability to rip your world apart along side your heart.
It will sneak inside of you unexpectedly and plant itself within you like an unavoidable disease that consumes your every move.
And it will live inside of you till it no longer lives anymore.
It will make you vulnerable.
It will make you believe it has the ability to conquer everything and anything until it defeats you itself, leaving you completely exposed and broken.
It will make you build walls and it will want you to take them down as well.
And though it will hurt you it will make you grow, and live and learn, and vow to yourself you won't give up as many pieces the next time.
But you do.
You give in and you let go and you forget that love hurt you before.
Maybe this time it will be nice.
Maybe this time it won't hurt as much.
It won't leave you feeling so vulnerable because you let somebody wander inside and plant a seed of hope in your heart.
It won't strip you down or leave you hanging.
Maybe this time it will make all the heartache worth it.
Horrible how it makes you crave something you know will hurt and feel so good all at the same time.
A four letter word that has the ability to build you up and tear you down.

another stone

these lonely nights, they're getting old.
they're taking their toll, leaving me cold.
they're making me feel, making me hurt,
keep me up, building walls around my heart.

And brick by brick, i'll lay another stone,

to keep my heart hidden from the unknown.

Maybe enough of these nights, will keep it safe,
the stronger my walls, the less likely i'll break.

My Chained Heart

These old chains you built around me,

They’re finally starting to loosen their way.

Chained from all the pain you caused,

All of the lies you built from shades of grey.

Your chains have lived here too long by now,

Never letting me break free.

Shackling me within your cold heart,

 Where I lived alone, so helplessly.

These chains weren’t always so tight then,

From the start I couldn’t feel them there,

And as time progressed I felt links grow,

With every lie you wanted to share.

The web you created from chains you built,

Around my weary heart,

Anchored me to you, right from the very start.

These chains you built around me,

They’re finally breaking free,

And as each link loosens,
I’m finally able to see.

See the pain that you caused within my soul,

The destruction you created within my heart’s walls.

And as the chains loosen, I’m starting to heal,

From all of the pain you made my heart feel.

I’m letting go, link by link,

Though it seems so slow,

Breaking away the chains,

That surrounded me head to toe.

© nLdm

the end

If I could rewrite our story, I’d only change the end.
I’d trade in all our bad days for good and relive every moment I spent next to you smiling. I’d write out the first day I met you, just like it happened. And our first sleep over the exact same, still asking you to spoon me. And we talked about how we wanted our first kiss to be special, because that’s what it was. I wouldn’t change any night I went to bed beside you and woke up in the same spot. When I write down what’s happened I still remember how I felt every time your hands touched mine, or your lips crossed my path. I wouldn’t change the way I felt when your fingertips touched my skin.  I’d never change the nights I stayed up lying with my head on your chest talking about anything that crossed our minds. I would get excited every time you called, or every time I saw your name cross my phone still. I would want to relive every time you kissed me so I could relive every bit of excitement I felt. I would take me and you back to every night I lied next to you with my hand in yours, with your lips to mine. I’d re plan the future I made for us in my head, mapping every milestone I knew I’d spend with you.

~ And now I sit here, rewriting our end in my mind. Wishing it could be different, knowing I can’t change the heartbreak. I can’t take away the pain I feel every time I think of you, beginning or end. I can’t change what happened, or how it panned out, so I sit here wishing I could rewrite our ending, knowing I can’t. I sometimes wish for a different beginning so I could maybe get a different story end, but that doesn’t seem right. I would rewrite any moment that could give me back what I thought I could once have. But I can’t. I can’t take back what’s been said or done. I can’t take back any feeling or thought that gave us this ending. I can’t wish, as many times as I’ve already tried for things to have just gone a bit differently, and still left you next to me today. I can’t wish your hand back in mine with my head on your chest. Too much pain has been placed. I hold my hurt too close to let you back in. I’m scared that if I rewrite our ending I’ll rewrite the heartbreak. And if I rewrite the heartbreak I’ll relive the pain of not having you here. But without you here, I don’t relive what it feels like to be broken. And if I can avoid being broken, maybe I could let myself believe in something else. 

© nldm

left with loneliness

It’s like your lost in a familiar place.

You recognize the walls,
But everything feels so different. 

You’re used to everything around you

But you can’t help that you don’t feel the same.

Your holding on, not wanting to let go.

Left lost, without the one person you

thought would never lose you.

Reality sinks in with your hearts defeat.

You feel stripped that one person could

take so much from you and leave so little.

That one person could mean so much,

and now they’re supposed to mean so little.

Your almost embarrassed that without them,

you feel like your nothing.

You hide it, at least try to.

While holding back the emptiness

pretending hurt doesn't exist

You lay still, stripped numb.

You miss the warmth of good feeling,

The promises, the memories,

They all leave you cold now.

Loneliness keeps you company,

So you do anything to fight it.

Good company sets you free,

Helps your mind forget,

And warm bodies ease the pain,

Even though they aren't yours.

Loneliness makes the bad feel good,

Almost makes you wish you could have it all back,

It makes you realize what you had and lost,

It makes you weaker but stronger.

Warmer but colder.

It makes you ashamed but hopeful.

It makes you want to feel again,

but not feel what’s left 

when there’s nothings left.

© nldm 

in ball we defend

stepping on the field in our garnet & grey,
training for weeks for this very day,
game after game, we only get better,
for each drip of sweat is how we measure.
and practice after practice we train even harder, 
so together as a team we only go farther. 
we watch tape after tape, to study our rival,
then step on the field to fight for survival.
we line up for battle and fight for our war,
keep pushing through till we can’t anymore.
we aim to win and always stick together 
on and off the field, birds of the same feather. 
and everywhere we go, we strike fear where we stay,
with our gee gee pride, bleeding garnet & grey.
on the field and off, we’re there for our brothers,
unable to ever replace one another,
and just like champions we never give up,
we go to war fighting for the vanier cup.
we won’t move when pushed, we stay standing strong,
not letting anyone take what’s been ours so long,
we fight for every inch we take on that field,
for the more inches we take, victory revealed
and no one will tell us who & what we can be,
because we want this more then our enemy. 
we leave everything on the field and never surrender,
born soldiers we fight and only get better. 
no margin for error, in ball we defend,
with the heart of a lion we fight till the end.
© nldm 

with your arms around me

WITH YOUR ARMS AROUND ME 

written by Nicole Del Monte & Chris Labelle, 

recorded by Chris Labelle and Paul Gigliotti 

produced by Paul Gigliotti 

my heart & head

i just wanna close my eyes and fall asleep in your bed

wake up in the morning and pretend like nothing was said.

i just wanna go back to that place when we first met.

small talk, all night, there’s nothing about you i forget.

and i just wanna go back to that place when times were right,

let go of all the anger and pain we hold onto at night.

let go of the misery that lies next to me in bed,

i stay awake at night wishing it was you instead.

where do we go from here, when there’s nothing left.

and what do we do when we’ve given up on the best.

and how do i move on when im only numb inside,

what do you do when your heart and head can’t decide. 

times supposed to heal everything, but im waiting instead,

and while i wait for time, i play back everything you said.

every lie you told, and regret you made me feel,

from all of my days i watched you try to steal.

im wondering when my heart and head will agree,

when will they both understand your not right for me.

when will i stop wishing it was you lying here.

when will all of the pain you brought on disappear.

© nldm

caught in a storm

took me a while to put the pieces together

took me a while to figure you all out

to realize we werent meant for eachother

accept how hard it would be to live without.

now i’m trying to figure out when it all fell apart 

understand how it all went wrong

when did all the good days go so bad

why did we keep dragging our hearts along

we got caught in the rain of a crazy storm

and we cant find our way out

its been raining days too long by now

and theres nothing left for us to figure out.

so were drowning in the tears we’ve cried

from all of the hurt and all of the lies.

caught in the rain of this crazy storm

only hoping it wont leave us torn.

now goodbyes are never easy

but i didn’t think they’d be this tough

letting go doesnt make the hurt disappear

or my days a little less rough

i thought maybe this meant something

something more then whats been done

what we had seemed so special 

till we watched it all come undone.

we got caught in the rain of a crazy storm

and we cant find our way out

its been raining days too long by now

and theres nothing left for us to figure out.

so were drowning in the tears we’ve cried

from all of the hurt and all of the lies.

caught in the rain of this crazy storm

only hoping it wont leave us torn.

a mess of fire

look at what you did

this mess that you made

look at all the lies

you let yourself create

look at all the hurt 

you buried in my heart

the pain you made me suffer

right from the very start.

you poured gas 

on a burning fire

stood there starring 

as my flames grew higher

you would manipulate your way

right back into my world

without realizing that every

single lie would unfold.

you think your smarter then me

and maybe better too

but here is the difference

between me and you.

i will go somewhere someday

you can watch and see

ill become something better

then you could ever be

and i will pride myself on 

honesty and the truth.

pride myself on things 

you never tried to use.

then you will be left standing

in a burning fire yourself

ill pour gas on all your flames

and never try to help.

© nldm

an old box

im standing in front of a box of old photographs.

reminiscing in what my past once was.

realizing what your present no longer is.

and left wondering what my future holds.

i once held the hands of people i thought i would know forever.

now grazing their pictures no longer knowing them at all.

i once held the hearts of people i thought i would know forever.

starring at our pictures together not knowing them at all.

the world seemed bigger back then,

when my hands were smaller,

my smiles wider, and my heart bigger.

each picture brings me back to a different feeling.

a different memory.

a different person that helped grace my life, even if briefly.  

this box of photographs gives me the chance to remember the little things i seem to forget so easily, like who i was then, and how its made me who i am today.

this box gives me the chance to remember the people who changed my perspectives, and gave me the opportunity to learn something about myself. 

i left apart of myself in every picture.

every memory.

every person i met along my path.

what was once this old box holds the stories of my life.

a collection of the people who helped me find myself.

were all left with our own box of old pictures.

our own past of people who helped us and carried us through what felt like hard times. we all have hearts and hands we once held and no longer hold anymore.

we all have our past, and though it may seem easy to hide away in a box it should never escape us completely. it made us who we are and we should never be so willing to let who we are go. 

© nldm 

a mess of a mind

does your mind ever wander?

lead you places it shouldn’t?

down dark halls you wish it wouldn’t.

does it leave you lost?

feeling dark and empty.

does it keep you up at night

and have no pity?

no mercy at all,

for what it makes you feel.

leads you places 

you only wished were real.

and does it fight with you

for your sanity’s sake

force your eyes open

while you lie awake

while it twists what you feel

and twists what you think

while you try to sleep,

but your problems won’t shrink.

and the longer you lie there

the longer your lost

the longer it controls you

at every single cost.

so when will you run 

from all the halls it makes

run from the fear

and darkness it creates.

when can you shut off

turn down what it says

shut the doors of your mind

hide away the mess. 

© nldm 

lost in wonderland

spinning 

round and round

losing control

running into walls

unsure of where to go

and all these walls have mirrors

i’m haunted by my ghosts

i’m running into walls

i’m not sure where to go

i’m falling down a tunnel

that spirals till the end

it spins me round and round

while i hold onto my head

im down that rabbit hole

where alice once went

this strange foreign land

where all my times now spent

and now i’m left lost

in my little wonderland

searching for a way out,

but first i’ll need a plan

and all these mirrors haunt me

like the queen who haunted her,

trying to find my way around

but its all just one big blurr,

and there’s a talking cat

that always comes and goes,

reminding me just how far

i am away from home

but i’m not Alice you see,

so why am i so lost,

i’m becoming all these sizes 

at the expense of someone else

now i’ve cried a pool of tears,

maybe to swim my way on out,

maybe she isn’t the only one lost

left wandering without a doubt,

maybe we all have our own wonderland,

a bit of alice left in us,

maybe were all like wild flowers,

settling amongst the dust. 

© nldm