dear stupidity ....

dear stupidity ...
thank you dearly for the cold, harsh life lesson that took nearly the last decade of my dwindling youth to figure out. if only i listened to my mother & actually took what she said with a grain of salt i would not have spent the last few years reliving heart felt experiences over nothing except for my now wiser then years knowledge. i am grateful for all the experiences you have given me stupidity. i am grateful for all the assholes i've been with to teach me to never be with one again. i am grateful (more then ever) for putting up with everything you ever swayed me into doing. thank you for letting me get all...  most ... of you out of my system. id also like to thank you (with a bit of regret) for letting me take over six years to figure out what im supposed to do with myself. the whole idea of growing up and figuring this shit out. well stupidity. if it wasnt for you.... i probably would have figured it all out a lot sooner. since you still stand in my way im not entirely there yet either. but you taught me this. you taught me what my mother told me. the only difference is you literally slapped me in the face with it. really f-ing hard.
getting on with it....
you taught me six years later to figure your shit out. to literally sit down and hum and haw over it all. rather then the six previous years i could have hummed and hawed over it, but rather i chose to hum and haw over the opposite sex. you taught me that if i at least do things for myself rather then anyone else six years from now i will not have royally fucked myself. i would have taken the time to get to know myself better rather then get to know someone i no longer desire knowing. i would probably be graduated from school or at least graduating this year & i probably would be graduating from something i enjoyed because i would have taken the time to figure it all out. but instead stupidity, like a devil sitting on my shoulder i listened to you and drooled over things i shouldnt have rather then those i should have.
at least now i know to do everything for myself first. ill still put people before me (as long as i secretly devised a plan to put myself ahead first) and ill still probably definitely more then likely listen to you often (i'll just second guess the follow through).
i suggest everyone tells their stupidity to shut up for a minute and figure out themselves. (no offense stupidity) figure out what you want to do & where you want to go and then go there. at least once you paved your own way you can do what you want. once you think about yourself first you can figure out other people later. the difference between having your credentials and a fine piece of ass sleeping next to you is that your credentials wont get up and walk out in the middle of the night... that ass might. and if he does you at least have everything you worked so hard for to keep you company.
so stupidity... thanks. thanks for the cold, hard but awakening slap in the face. ill appreciate it more when im less bitter towards you.... so if you could just sit on the sidelines for the next few years it would be greatly appreciated.
sincerely,
my smart side.
© nldm

if only ...

if only i could see thru these tears and these lies,

then maybe, just maybe, i’d start to realize.

if only i could make out what your trying to do,

i’d be able to figure out if your intentions were true.

if i was able to read thru your every line,

then maybe I wouldn’t feel so lost and blind.

if i could figure out just what you wanted from me,

then maybe all your lies could set me free. 

and maybe one day i’ll figure this all out for myself,

stop painting my world with lies and realize your selfish.

stop being so naive and trying to find the best in you,

when all along everyone else was right, what they said was true.

that your just a boy wanting the best of both worlds.

unable to give up something for someone else afterwards.

you paint the world black with all the lies you tell,

and one day you will be alone with only a broken heart left to sell.

but no one will want your heart, its cold and made of stone.

loneliness will circulate and you will feel it in every bone. 

and maybe that is when you will realize what its like to hold a broken heart.

to watch your life crash and burn all around you, witness it all fall apart. 

i won’t be here when it happens, ill be far gone.

ill be fixing everything you broke, ill have moved on. 

© nldm

hurricane

its all coming over me like a hurricane.

lingering through my bones like a burning pain. 

pressure coming over from everywhere.

making my world stop with only a stare. 

with the air rising i can hardly breath.

inescapable feelings, to hard to believe. 

spinning in and out of control faster and faster. 

these feelings harbor inside like a natural disaster. 

slowly tearing down every wall i ever built. 

ripping away any voids i ever filled. 

falling in love with all of this destruction.

unable to avoid my hearts need for the passion. 

like a hurricane, it builds and it builds.

with every touch my bodys fulfilled.

within every kiss you give self destruction lies.

like a hurricane you defeat me before my very own eyes. 

© nldm

keep dancing .

there will come a time when you realize where you belong.

where you fit.

what you deserve.

and what you want.

you may not figure out exactly who you are but you will figure out pieces.

you slowly will collect parts of yourself.

you will drive yourself nuts but make yourself happy.

you will find a place within yourself thats only yours to discover.

you will slowly figure out yourself.

you will figure out what you love & what you hate.

who you need and who you needed.

where you've been and where your going.

you will be grateful for what you have been given

and try to gain what is not yet yours.

you will lose who you have depended on & find who you depend on.

you will discover things you never knew and maybe never wanted to.

you will grow.

you will learn.

you will dance to the beat of your song.

and as long as you keep moving your feet you will find what makes you happy.

© nldm

the haunting .

i wonder how you lie in her bed,

how you fall asleep at night,

thoughts that go through your head,

i wonder how you keep her warm,

when cold blood runs through your veins,

and your hearts made of stone... 

and I’m thankful for all the misery,

for the heart ache and the pain,

for having only the ability,

to prove me wrong again and again.

it only made my skin grow tougher,

made me realize how little your worth,

made my edges a little bit rougher.

made me believe in hell here on earth.

I wonder how you lie to her,

keep secrets like that 

and fall asleep after,

and i wonder if it haunts you like me,

but with no character,

there’s no guarantee.

and if only she knew you were lying,

all your mistakes and what they were implying.

if she knew the things you’d be denying.

i wonder how you can act so happy,

and if it haunts you and not just me... 

i wonder how you act so happy,

she wouldn’t be if she could only see.

i wonder how you fall asleep at night,

if you stay up battling an emotional fight.

i wonder how you even crawl into bed,

and whether you ever feel sorry instead,

and i wonder how you keep her body warm,

i wonder how your able to perform

when yours is as cold as ice,

with all your filthy lies there comes a price.

and I don’t want to be the but of your jokes,

with a heart made of stone, 

I should be the only one laughing. 

at the happiness you created out of lies,

the damage they could do, 

and all the problems that would arise.

and i wonder how you fall asleep at night,

how you dream, 

and are capable of sleeping tight.

and i wonder if it haunts you too,

if you could take it all back 

i wonder what you’d do.

© nldm

prince charming

prince charmings exist. and you will find yours. he may not have the opportunity to take you to a ball. He may not be able to fit a glass slipper on your foot. there will most likely not be a pumpkin carriage. & he most definitely won't kiss you so you wake up from a love spelled curse. There will not be talking tea pots & singing candle sticks. But if you love him for who he really is he will be the prince you only dreamed of. He may not take you to the ball but he will dance with you. And he won't fit a glass slipper to your foot but he will buy you any pair of shoes you want. There won't be a pumpkin carriage but there will be a car & he will open the doors. And if you really want one i'm sure he will buy you a pumpkin. He won't wake you up from a love spelled curse but he will put you in one. And he will talk to you and sing to you and he will think your a beauty when your sleeping. He will make you smile till it hurts. You will be his princess & he will be your prince. He will make you a fairy tale & he will make sure that together you live happily ever after <3

© nldm

just trust .

it’s simple.

all women are the same.

they are all looking for the same things in a guy.

trust is a major factor.

we need to trust you.

we need to trust that when we give you our hearts you aren’t going to break them.

with that being said we also need to trust in every other thing about you.

we need to trust you won’t dress like a fool because we are standing next to you when you go out.

we need to trust that you won’t treat us like sh*t because it is embarrassing.

we trust you will be nice to our friends, or at least try. 

we need to trust that you will act like a gentleman all the time.

we trust that you will listen to us... with your big head.

we trust that you will sometimes (maybe not always) fork the bill & open the doors.

we hope we can trust in you to be the big spoon.

(your bigger then us therefore automatically are given the role of big spoon)

We trust that you will like us so much you talk about us to your friends -

maybe not often but sometimes.

We also trust that when you go out you won’t drool over anything that isn’t us.

NO ONE likes a cheater.

we trust you to be ambitious - we do NOT want to be your sugar mama.

we trust you will make us laugh or at least try to.

We grew up trusting in the idea of fairy tales & prince charmings.

Let us trust you have a little prince in you.

were only asking for trust. 

© nldm