dont let go

run.

run away from it all.

run from the pain.

run before you fall.

and dance.

dance like its all you know.

dance like no one is watching.

like no ones watching you go. 

and love like its all you’ve ever been taught.

love like its never hurt.

love like its all you’ve ever got.

and hope like you’ve never lost it before.

hope in everything you can.

hope for everything and more.

and believe in yourself because your all you need.

don’t let go of yourself.

as if everything thats brought you down will help you proceed.

© nldm

just believe

you lose hope. you lose faith. you lose what you believe in. you lose a little bit of yourself along the way.

you question your past. you question your future. you question where your plans will take you. 

you wonder where you will end up. you wonder when things will fall into place. you wonder if you did everything you could.

believe in what you see and what you can’t. believe in people. believe in yourself.

believe that with a little hope you will find yourself.

believe that with a little faith you will help yourself.

believe in yourself and you will never lose yourself.

© nldm

if you could change

somewhere along the way you lost who you thought you were

what you thought you stood for, everything you are.

somewhere along the way you questioned your plan

questioned how it fell apart and how it all began.

you wondered how it got to the point your now at

how it all quickly crumbled from this to that.

you sit and you think of everything you have done

every fight you ever lost, any fight you ever won.

you look at your life and wish it could have changed

wish things would be different, wish you didn’t feel such shame.

you sit and wish you could change the path you chose 

if different choices would have predicted the way your life goes

and if you did things differently, chose different paths for yourself

would it change who you’ve become and all the the things you’ve felt.

if you could take it all back and change what you regret 

would you change what you’ve done, and the paths that you’ve set?

© nldm

steeper

the memories will fade, 

some will say,

but they’re not fading anywhere,

at any rate

my mind is cluttered with the past,

i can’t seem to let go

or begin to move quite as fast, 

the pain seems to linger through my body

numbing and cold it circulates through me,

the cuts seem deeper

the pain stings more 

I’m walking up hill 

and it only feels steeper

i cry out as loud as i can,

i need you here 

you once belonged to me,

we let go of everything we once had

said goodbye to it all

even good things turn bad,

and now I’m left here with these empty thoughts,

i’ve suffered through these battles i’ve fought,

and now I’m too cold to stick around,

fighting for balance, or at least common ground, 

this exterior shell is now to hard to break, 

nothing seems real, even smiles fake,

who knew being lost could hurt this bad,

i didn’t picture uncertainties being this sad,

who knew pain could linger through the night,

and make me crave darkness still in mornings light,

why does letting you in mean giving up so much,

letting your guard down means surviving on one crutch,

I’m learning to walk these streets alone now,

and not let this past predict my future somehow . 

© nldm

if you have this you have it all

when you were a kid the idea of christmas was something you could lose sleep over.

you would get so excited throughout the weeks approaching.

you would write your christmas letters explaining why you were a good boy or girl, and you would go to the mall with mum and dad to see santa who just happened to make a trip up from the north pole so you could get your picture taken with him. 

Christmas was single handily the best day of the year next to your birthday. Christmas meant ridiculous amounts of food, presents under the tree, and time spent with family. 

As you get older you learn that there is no magical over weight man in a red suit riding his sleigh from house to house and sliding down your chimney. Buying presents for people gets harder because we all have everything we need. Spending time with your family becomes less and less because everyones grown up and gone their separate ways. There is still a ridiculous amount of food but thats because there is probably less people at your dinner table from years before.

December becomes one long ride of too many things to do.

Somewhere in between a magical santa, cookies & milk, carrots for the reindeer, too many presents and not enough thought, we lost the meaning of christmas.

We lost the idea that christmas is supposed to be a time you spend with what you’ve got. Its a time to remember what you had & what you have left.

Saint Nick isn’t going to slide down your chimney and make christmas as magical as it was when you were a kid. But the people who are around you will be able to make it more magical then what Santa ever could have.

They will make you thankful for what you have and what you have been given.

They will make you remember that good family and friends are all you really need in life.

Christmas trees or not... As long as you have people who love you, you’ve got it all. 
© nldm

a middle finger to exams

final exam time.

like the semester wasnt frustrating enough as it is-  we have now all been graced with a two week period of exams. a two week period. which i would deem worse then an actual two week period. it is much the same.

you feel shitty. you probably have cramps from all the nerves of a pass or fail. you most likely have started to break out  due to the disgusting cafeteria food your now eating because your hibernation stay in the library. you dont quite feel as pretty so you dont dress as pretty. you cant have sex due to lack of time. the only relationship your focusing on is the one you have started with your text book or the one you plan on starting with your professor for a passing grade.

while pondering my overpriced textbook i discovered that exam time is a bunch of bullshit. im literally paying a prof to have a job, use their useless degree to 'better' my education even though they actually dont even know my name or care for my name.

i have recently discovered that everything im learning in school - all this theory crap - will never relate to real life. when is someone in the real world going to ask me to define any of these social psychology terms. NEVER.

when is someone in the real world going to give a crap about what i got tested on years from now - the answer is again NEVER.

when in the real world will i ever gain financial compensation for these over priced, useless textbooks ? NEVER

if i could test my professeurs on real life experiences im sure they would fail miserably.

they would not be deemed socially normal judging by the documentaries they find interesting enough to expose my young eyes to during their precious class time.

their lectures on physical appearance & how physically attractive people are more successful in life only further prove to me that they failed that aspect of the real world as well. their outfits are not by any means appealing. 

their inability to post proper slides is insensitive to my young brain.

NO i do not want to reread 60 slides per one lecture that is over flowing with unnecessary information or not flowing with enough substantial information.

 And NO - just because you scanned pictures from the textbook does not mean i will better understand figure 11. ONE TOO MANY figures.

F for fail professor. 

the entire institution of education has deemed me unsuccessful - 

all you made me do is read one too many chapters on one too many things i dont care about.

you made me cry over one too many tests that did not further my existance in life.

you made me stress over your definitions & your scantrons.

you made me realize long after the fact - that your theory is just a theory - 

i learnt more from staying up too late with friends and talking about things.

my visits to the library were deemed successful because i talked about real life aspirations with friends.

my four years of post secondary education taught me that four years from now i will be happy - whether i can recite my prof back his theoretical approaches to social psychology or not.

four years from now - ill figure out what i want to do, and the only test ill have to pass is a test of happiness.

© nldm

when you were young

when you were young life was much simpler.

simple things would put a smile on your face and fear didn’t ever exist.

being young meant being indestructible.

it meant having the courage to climb to the top of the highest snow bank and slide all the way down without fear of ever hurting yourself.

the faster you went the more it meant.

how you landed didn’t matter.

being young meant swinging as hard and as high as you could in order to jump further through the air.

there was no sense of fear.

just the sense of being able to fly for those short few seconds.

it didn’t matter to you the higher you got.

the higher you got meant the further you could fly.

the higher you could swing yourself allowed you to believe you were free.

the landing was never a concern.

being young meant that you weren’t scared to let go of the handle bars on your bike.

those short few seconds where you could ride with no hands didn’t compare to the pain you may have felt if you ever hit the pavement.

hitting the pavement didn’t matter.

the landing never mattered.

as we grow older we are consumed with the idea of landing.

the higher we climb.

the longer we swing.

the faster we ride without holding on.

we fear how we will land.

we know now that we are destructible.

we know that if we let go we will feel the pain and the pain is what we fear.

as you grow older you hesitate climbing higher mountains for fear of falling off.

you don’t swing as hard or as high as you did when you were a kid for fear of having to let go and fly.

when you grow up you never want to let go of the bars on your bike because its all that is steady. 

the older we get the more fear we have.

you learn that the higher you get the harder you will fall.

but if you fear climbing as high as you can, or swinging as hard as you can, or riding with no hands you will never know how far you can get.

and if you don’t learn to pick yourself back up you will never fly yourself anywhere. 

© nldm

copy cats please dont copy that -

copy cat please dont copy that 

i’m not your meal, i’m not a rat,

my ideas aren’t there to inspire you

just my thoughts about what i go through.

your inability to rhyme is really sad

& your copied work is making me mad

maybe writing was apart of your plan

but i cant help that i write better then you can.

im sorry that more people would rather read my work

but stealing my ideas makes you look like a jerk...

i could go ahead and copy the things you do 

but leading a sad life is not what im used to 

im not a comedian but this is so damn funny,

i wrote it all down so you could read it hunny-- 

i dont mean to sound so upfront and frank

but what you write is so shitty -- it smells like a septic tank

so maybe soon you will learn

that stealing creativity will make people turn.

i’ll let you copy me if need be,

if copying me makes you that happy.

ill let you haters hate and copy my mind

because you lack ideas and a spine..

even though i can’t help myself but let it annoy

in the end ill laugh at this, you will be who my words destroy. 

© nldm

for adele

Thank you.

Thank you for painting my world bright. 

For filling my days with happiness.

For showing me that even in my darkest moments I’m still surrounded by beauty.

For making my days better while you were next to me & even while your above me. 
Thank you for the memories. And thank you for the laughs.

For teaching me that life is too short to take so seriously.

For showing me chaos is beautiful & memorable.

For allowing me to see that being eccentric & unique is something special.

Thank you for setting your own path & helping me pave mine.

For pushing forward.

For persevering through dark moments & cherishing the struggle.

Thank you for bringing people back together.

For being the light in all of their dark moments & helping me find the light in all of todays.

I would thank you for changing my life in a few short years.

For having little things to be happy for.

For crying over things that make my heart hurt.

For enjoying things that make me smile.

Doing things that make me laugh.

Remembering all I have been given.

I would thank you for every opportunity.

Every chance.

Every moment in my life you made special.

Every moment you made me appreciate because your moments were taken too soon. 
May you rest amongst the clouds you watch us from.
And may you dance amongst the stars we see you in. 
rest in peace

© nldm

quarter life crisis

I wish life was much simpler like it was when you were a kid.
I wish I could spend the night playing super nintendo with my brother & not worry about what I should have been reading out of an over priced text book instead.
I wish I could get excited over my dad asking me to help rake the leaves in the backyard or shovel the driveway because it was a secret invitation to jump into leaf piles or start a snowball fight, rather then a weekly chore.
I wish that grocery shopping meant standing on the edge of the cart while mum pushed & I gracefully picked what I wanted off the shelves as we drove by -- instead of the depreciation of my bank account.
I wish life was easier & someone prepares you for the harsh reality that its most defiantly not what its like when your a kid. Growing up does not involve endless hours of super nintendo, leaf piles, snowball fights, or grocery cart rides. It involves several hours of reading books you paid too much for. It involves piles of ideas about who you are & want to be. It involves fights - without the snowballs. There is no more grocery cart rides. Just an endless ride of stress and questions. My only vice that seems reassuring enough to believe is that one day it will all be worth it. One day I'll be thankful for the struggle.
© nldm

the lines we crossed

The lines we drew from you to me 
Were much clearer when we both could see
What we wanted from this before we knew
Where we would take each other when the lines drew few

We crossed paths we didn't know we could 
And discovered places we probably never should 
We walked lines we never needed to cross 
And suffered from all of its heartache and loss 

You and I made so many mistakes
Haunted by pasts that made our hearts shake. 
The lines we crossed were endless it seemed 
The lies and names and never ending schemes. 

You showed me things I never should have seen
Like cold eyes and hearts and all that's in between
Without your poison here I'm safe at last
Able to step away from my haunted past. 

You stood there and watched me break 
Watched me fall apart with every escape 
Then I'd feel you pull the knives out of my back 
When every sigh of relief felt more like an attack 

You fed me lies right from the start
Claimed everything that your not
Said that honesty was what your about 
And you believed in your lies without any doubts

Destruction was unavoidable here
Too many lines were crossed, paths unclear
Too many walls were put up to get us here
Too much heartache. Too much fear.