twenty eleven

a new year.

a new apartment.

a few new friends.

a few more life lessons to come my way.

a few more regrets and a few more things to be thankful for.

i am completely unsure of what two thousand and eleven has in store for me.

i hope it means i have more time to write because lately i’ve hardly found the time to shave my legs .... graphic i know.

by the end of this year i hope to accomplish more.

live more.

laugh more.

enjoy the things i have more then before.

i hope to give into my guilty pleasure and buy more clothing, but only if i can afford to.

and only if i can make closet space... or afford a pax ikea wardrobe - god willing.

i hope to maintain friendships.

work on my faults.

use my cell phone more - for calling not texting.

call my family more because they love me even though their capable of driving me completely bananas. 

i hope to see my friends more and not just at work.

i hope to find the time to take nail polish off my fingers when it starts to chip - because it looks god awful if i dont - ladies take note.

i hope to find something in all my classes that makes me eager to learn.

and i hope- like im sure my father does, that i find my calling in life and i call it and figure out how to meet it and shake its hand and have it pay me some sort of salary that will buy me a house .... and a pax wardrobe that lights up when i open its glass sliding doors.

i hope two thousand and eleven gives me two thousand and eleven more reasons to be thankful for what i have been given.

two thousand and eleven reasons to make me thankful for what i have yet to be given or haven’t been at all.

i hope two thousand and eleven gives me the opportunity to be happy no matter what happens, good or bad. 

strangers on a street

we walk away from each other like strangers in the street

what we once had for each other now takes a back seat

gone for all eternity, we have erased one another

with all the same mistakes that kept pushing us further

so far from where we came with so much of everything.

how did we start with so much and now end with nothing.

we walk away from our pasts and everything we knew

from everything we built upon and ever worked through

its not worth it any more to hold a broken heart

to feel the pain inside keep beating as we part

so we walk away from it all because its all thats left to do

leave the pieces all behind while they unravel and undo.

so we leave each other on separate corners of dark streets 

too scared to keep holding on while history repeats.

so we walk away from it all and watch our shadows fade

reminded of all the memories that we once made.

and our shadows left lingering just two strangers on a street

distant memories to remind us of our loves defeat. 

© nldm
& lc

where sadness lies

in empty promises you couldn’t keep,

while i laid thinking of you losing so much sleep.

realizing this felt more like a game

the loser accumulating so much blame.

and this is where sadness lies

all over my face with every cry.

so many things said too good to be true

so many things you didn’t follow through.

and this is where sadness lies

within my heart and in my eyes

within every wall that surrounds me here

with every reminder now lies fear

with every wall i let down for you

everything i couldn’t see through. 

and this is where all of my sadness lies

within every cry and every compromise

all throughout my bones and in your lies

within my heart and all of my cries.
this is where my sadness lies.

© nldm

dont let go

run.

run away from it all.

run from the pain.

run before you fall.

and dance.

dance like its all you know.

dance like no one is watching.

like no ones watching you go. 

and love like its all you’ve ever been taught.

love like its never hurt.

love like its all you’ve ever got.

and hope like you’ve never lost it before.

hope in everything you can.

hope for everything and more.

and believe in yourself because your all you need.

don’t let go of yourself.

as if everything thats brought you down will help you proceed.

© nldm

just believe

you lose hope. you lose faith. you lose what you believe in. you lose a little bit of yourself along the way.

you question your past. you question your future. you question where your plans will take you. 

you wonder where you will end up. you wonder when things will fall into place. you wonder if you did everything you could.

believe in what you see and what you can’t. believe in people. believe in yourself.

believe that with a little hope you will find yourself.

believe that with a little faith you will help yourself.

believe in yourself and you will never lose yourself.

© nldm

if you could change

somewhere along the way you lost who you thought you were

what you thought you stood for, everything you are.

somewhere along the way you questioned your plan

questioned how it fell apart and how it all began.

you wondered how it got to the point your now at

how it all quickly crumbled from this to that.

you sit and you think of everything you have done

every fight you ever lost, any fight you ever won.

you look at your life and wish it could have changed

wish things would be different, wish you didn’t feel such shame.

you sit and wish you could change the path you chose 

if different choices would have predicted the way your life goes

and if you did things differently, chose different paths for yourself

would it change who you’ve become and all the the things you’ve felt.

if you could take it all back and change what you regret 

would you change what you’ve done, and the paths that you’ve set?

© nldm

steeper

the memories will fade, 

some will say,

but they’re not fading anywhere,

at any rate

my mind is cluttered with the past,

i can’t seem to let go

or begin to move quite as fast, 

the pain seems to linger through my body

numbing and cold it circulates through me,

the cuts seem deeper

the pain stings more 

I’m walking up hill 

and it only feels steeper

i cry out as loud as i can,

i need you here 

you once belonged to me,

we let go of everything we once had

said goodbye to it all

even good things turn bad,

and now I’m left here with these empty thoughts,

i’ve suffered through these battles i’ve fought,

and now I’m too cold to stick around,

fighting for balance, or at least common ground, 

this exterior shell is now to hard to break, 

nothing seems real, even smiles fake,

who knew being lost could hurt this bad,

i didn’t picture uncertainties being this sad,

who knew pain could linger through the night,

and make me crave darkness still in mornings light,

why does letting you in mean giving up so much,

letting your guard down means surviving on one crutch,

I’m learning to walk these streets alone now,

and not let this past predict my future somehow . 

© nldm