Buried Mess

Those dark days are behind me
I’ve finally put them to rest

As much as it killed me then,

I’ve finally buried that mess.

I’ve moved on and I’ve grown,

I’m now able to see the light.
Because even after your strongest attempts,

My soul still burns bright.

Like the devil on my back,

I wasn’t ever able to see,

All the pain you caused,

And hurt burdening me.

I know better now,

Learnt to let it all go,

If you hold onto your demons,

You’re never able to grow.

So I buried the mess,

Freed myself from you’re pain,

All of you’re problems,

And all of you’re shame.

© nldm  

Share The Belief

Live a little. 

Life is hard. 

Things will get in your way, and go wrong. 

People will hurt you. They will tear you down. 

Don’t be scared to let go of things that drag you down. 

Do what you want when you want and find your own path to happiness. 

Be who you want rather then what others expect you to be.

Enjoy yourself. Make bad decisions. 

Regret them. Learn from them.

It will only make you stronger. Grow.

Grow up slowly, because one day you will be too old to blame any foolish decision on being young.

Do what you can when given the opportunity because soon it will be taken from you. 

Laugh whenever given the chance.

Forgive but never forget.

When it comes to your friends, always keep your door open, but don’t ever be a doormat.

Soon you will look back and remember all the chances you were given that you didn’t take, 

so take them, and don’t look back. 

Don’t question yourself. Appreciate who you are & who you are becoming. 

Remember, even when you have wandered too far you will find your path.

Always get to know people. 

They will teach you about yourself, 

and get to better understand them, because they will help you understand yourself. 

Love with all your heart because it will make yours grow bigger. 

Be thankful of where you came from and appreciate the people that helped get you there. 

Remember your going to be something no matter anyone who wished you differently. 

Remember your made of more then what some people say, 

and as long as you believe in yourself nothing else matters. 

So share the belief.

 © nLdm

This Disease

I can feel you escaping me,
I can feel myself letting go,
Like cancer in my body,
You were a disease I'd always know.
I am finally free now,
Though I may be left lost,
From all my bridges you burnt,
I still have roads left to cross.
These burdens less heavy,
Though I still feel them here,
Still resting on my shoulders,
They never seem to disappear.
These scars you gave my heart,
I do my best to cover them well,
Protect myself from your disease,
Grow myself a thicker shell.
Half of me still misses you,
Even though theres not a point,
And though I feel myself let go,
I still feel you linger in my joints.
And as this disease escapes me,
I remember to breathe slow,
I inhale, then exhale,
and reap what I sow.
© nLdm

four letter word

Love.
A four letter word that has the ability to reach into the depths of your soul and take you for everything you are.
Love has the ability to rip your world apart along side your heart.
It will sneak inside of you unexpectedly and plant itself within you like an unavoidable disease that consumes your every move.
And it will live inside of you till it no longer lives anymore.
It will make you vulnerable.
It will make you believe it has the ability to conquer everything and anything until it defeats you itself, leaving you completely exposed and broken.
It will make you build walls and it will want you to take them down as well.
And though it will hurt you it will make you grow, and live and learn, and vow to yourself you won't give up as many pieces the next time.
But you do.
You give in and you let go and you forget that love hurt you before.
Maybe this time it will be nice.
Maybe this time it won't hurt as much.
It won't leave you feeling so vulnerable because you let somebody wander inside and plant a seed of hope in your heart.
It won't strip you down or leave you hanging.
Maybe this time it will make all the heartache worth it.
Horrible how it makes you crave something you know will hurt and feel so good all at the same time.
A four letter word that has the ability to build you up and tear you down.

another stone

these lonely nights, they're getting old.
they're taking their toll, leaving me cold.
they're making me feel, making me hurt,
keep me up, building walls around my heart.

And brick by brick, i'll lay another stone,

to keep my heart hidden from the unknown.

Maybe enough of these nights, will keep it safe,
the stronger my walls, the less likely i'll break.

My Chained Heart

These old chains you built around me,

They’re finally starting to loosen their way.

Chained from all the pain you caused,

All of the lies you built from shades of grey.

Your chains have lived here too long by now,

Never letting me break free.

Shackling me within your cold heart,

 Where I lived alone, so helplessly.

These chains weren’t always so tight then,

From the start I couldn’t feel them there,

And as time progressed I felt links grow,

With every lie you wanted to share.

The web you created from chains you built,

Around my weary heart,

Anchored me to you, right from the very start.

These chains you built around me,

They’re finally breaking free,

And as each link loosens,
I’m finally able to see.

See the pain that you caused within my soul,

The destruction you created within my heart’s walls.

And as the chains loosen, I’m starting to heal,

From all of the pain you made my heart feel.

I’m letting go, link by link,

Though it seems so slow,

Breaking away the chains,

That surrounded me head to toe.

© nLdm

the end

If I could rewrite our story, I’d only change the end.
I’d trade in all our bad days for good and relive every moment I spent next to you smiling. I’d write out the first day I met you, just like it happened. And our first sleep over the exact same, still asking you to spoon me. And we talked about how we wanted our first kiss to be special, because that’s what it was. I wouldn’t change any night I went to bed beside you and woke up in the same spot. When I write down what’s happened I still remember how I felt every time your hands touched mine, or your lips crossed my path. I wouldn’t change the way I felt when your fingertips touched my skin.  I’d never change the nights I stayed up lying with my head on your chest talking about anything that crossed our minds. I would get excited every time you called, or every time I saw your name cross my phone still. I would want to relive every time you kissed me so I could relive every bit of excitement I felt. I would take me and you back to every night I lied next to you with my hand in yours, with your lips to mine. I’d re plan the future I made for us in my head, mapping every milestone I knew I’d spend with you.

~ And now I sit here, rewriting our end in my mind. Wishing it could be different, knowing I can’t change the heartbreak. I can’t take away the pain I feel every time I think of you, beginning or end. I can’t change what happened, or how it panned out, so I sit here wishing I could rewrite our ending, knowing I can’t. I sometimes wish for a different beginning so I could maybe get a different story end, but that doesn’t seem right. I would rewrite any moment that could give me back what I thought I could once have. But I can’t. I can’t take back what’s been said or done. I can’t take back any feeling or thought that gave us this ending. I can’t wish, as many times as I’ve already tried for things to have just gone a bit differently, and still left you next to me today. I can’t wish your hand back in mine with my head on your chest. Too much pain has been placed. I hold my hurt too close to let you back in. I’m scared that if I rewrite our ending I’ll rewrite the heartbreak. And if I rewrite the heartbreak I’ll relive the pain of not having you here. But without you here, I don’t relive what it feels like to be broken. And if I can avoid being broken, maybe I could let myself believe in something else. 

© nldm